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60. Morphine Withdrawal - Self PsyA
60. Morphine Withdrawal - Self PsyA
Sunday, 9 AM. Ali, after a restless, irritable night, forces herself listlessly to sit. Stretching she gets no pleasure from it.
Under Uncle Guy's guidance at Harvard at age 17, she had succeeded at self psychoanalysis or, as she calls it - PsyA. This PsyA is not Sigmund Freud's, which her uncle disrespected because Freud's is based on unscientific, imaginary concepts and on the incorrect idea that newborn and early age infants have memory for events. The PsyA Uncle Guy developed reviews the Universe; its Big Bang creation and expansion; Earth’s development; human evolution; human history; the psychology of personality development; and one's own life. This PsyA allows Ali to see herself clearly and critically, So, for example, of her depression as she lies back on pillows, she muses,
Of course, I'm depressed; it's chemical because my natural pleasure molecules have been inhibited and repressed for years by morphine molecules replacing them. All things being equal in my life, I would now prefer to inject morphine and feel wonderful, energetic and creative, but now I have a new human inside of me and it must be maximally protected from all influences that might damage or limit its development so that when it comes out of me it will be free to make its own choices – free of artificial molecules. So thinking, she forces herself to get up and start the day.
Of course, I'm depressed; it's chemical because my natural pleasure molecules have been inhibited and repressed for years by morphine molecules replacing them. All things being equal in my life, I would now prefer to inject morphine and feel wonderful, energetic and creative, but now I have a new human inside of me and it must be maximally protected from all influences that might damage or limit its development so that when it comes out of me it will be free to make its own choices – free of artificial molecules. So thinking, she forces herself to get up and start the day.
First her Enrico Caruso opera records. She goes to the cupboard and pulls a drawer and takes the old discs out, stacks them on the phonograph, turns it ON and Caruso's singing Norma fills the room. And minutes later, Pagliacci. “Oh, glorious morning!” she exclaims but still feels miserable.
"The best thing for feeling bad on getting up is to clean my house."
She starts on living room, emptying it of all movables, which she piles up in hall and kitchen. First she dusts off and wipes all surfaces and sweeps the floor, then she hot-wets several cloths and wipes all surfaces and cleans windows inside and out. Then on her knees she does the floor: she wipes it down with hot, soapy-water-soaked cloths and does a second wipe with hot water. Now she needs an hour for floor to dry, so she goes to kitchen, makes tea because she is also off coffee for the same reason as off Morphine, and sits sipping while reading how to produce the perfect baby. Her reading is a big pile of books and articles under the table assembled with the help of Dr. Stan.
She starts on living room, emptying it of all movables, which she piles up in hall and kitchen. First she dusts off and wipes all surfaces and sweeps the floor, then she hot-wets several cloths and wipes all surfaces and cleans windows inside and out. Then on her knees she does the floor: she wipes it down with hot, soapy-water-soaked cloths and does a second wipe with hot water. Now she needs an hour for floor to dry, so she goes to kitchen, makes tea because she is also off coffee for the same reason as off Morphine, and sits sipping while reading how to produce the perfect baby. Her reading is a big pile of books and articles under the table assembled with the help of Dr. Stan.
Bell rings and, seconds later, Brenda peeks head in kitchen door - “My, my - have you become a cleaning bug!"- and comes in to sit at table. Ali pours her a tea.
“Bren, you are my closest pal. You must have noticed a change in me, an't it?”
“Yes - crazy. And you stopped the Educate me. So tell me why? In the words of that Sherwood Anderson guy, I wanna know Why?"
“I’m pregnant.”
“Wha? Who?”
“Don't worry your noggin. It an't your doctor. It's my secret.”
“Oh!”
“I want to speak with Sister Barbara. Can you ask her?”
“But you're too late for her to do the extraction she did on Lorna, Ali. She won't do it if she knows it's abo.”
“I don't want to stop it. It strikes me that with her good old Eire midwives' skill she might tell me a useful thing or two.”
“OK, I'm going to pray at morning mass now.”
“Can you come back lunchtime with her?"
“OK.” Gulping the rest of her tea, Brenda leaves.
Ali does some more sipping & reading then goes back to cleaning. She unrolls the rug back over the floor and uses her hand sweeper. She pushes the furniture back in place, having brushed each one off. Finally she rocks in her chair.
She thinks: I am going to make this a perfect pregnancy, and gets a feeling of happy.
She is not taking vitamin and mineral pills because of a worry they may harm as medicines do. She is trying to get the good vitamins by eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, eggs for protein and not to worry about fat because – after all – she is eating for two now. She can worry about fat the rest of her life. And she drinks lots and lots and lots of water.
She is not taking vitamin and mineral pills because of a worry they may harm as medicines do. She is trying to get the good vitamins by eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, eggs for protein and not to worry about fat because – after all – she is eating for two now. She can worry about fat the rest of her life. And she drinks lots and lots and lots of water.
At lunchtime, Brenda brings Sister Barbara and Ali asks her important questions about birthing the baby. She has an idea but needs Barbara's help.
62. Hitler's 55th Birthday
Now, a month later, in early afternoon Ali sits down to her stamps. She has found stamp collecting a useful help to get through morphine withdrawal. Nothing is better for passing her boring time than identifying and pasting stamps into her Scott's International Album, over the stamp picture using gummed hinges. There is something very satisfying in handling the stamps, locating the exact stamp picture and postal value, licking a gummed hinge and pressing it onto the back of the stamp and then moistening the folded-over top of the hinge and pressing the stamp onto the page over its picture.
She picks up a still unopened envelope delivered yesterday into her downstairs mailbox. It is from Mexico City and she notes the interesting latest 1944 issue Mexico stamp that the letter writer, knowing Ali is a stamp collector, used. She opens the envelope and takes out a number of - she counts 10 - stamps with a familiar likeness
Grabbing a magnifying glass she focuses the 7x magnification inset on one of the stamps and inspects. "Wow!" she exclaims. "The Great Dictator's 55th birthday issue!" Carefully she reads at bottom of the vertically oval rim that encircles Adolf Hitler's profile, the date April 20, 1944. Also she notes at bottom of the stamp a new national moniker
GROSSDEUTSCHES
REICH
It is the just-changed name of Germany and, Ali as expert collector knows, these stamps are going to generate wealth after the war - which is obviously soon to end in total defeat for the Germany. So she does not paste these stamps; instead slipping them into a cello envelope for careful storing.
The letter is from Gertrude, whom Ali met at the 1939 World's Fair German Pavilion, when Gertrude was Karl's secretary. Gertie, as Ali calls her, is actually Karl's wife and it had been arranged she would defect to Mexico after the Fair closed, and she has sent on these stamps as a particular favor to Ali. Also, Ali guesses, they are part of a cache of very valuable 3rd Reich memorabilia she is receiving to sell after the war to finance Karl and Gertie's new life in Latin America.
Now, a month later, in early afternoon Ali sits down to her stamps. She has found stamp collecting a useful help to get through morphine withdrawal. Nothing is better for passing her boring time than identifying and pasting stamps into her Scott's International Album, over the stamp picture using gummed hinges. There is something very satisfying in handling the stamps, locating the exact stamp picture and postal value, licking a gummed hinge and pressing it onto the back of the stamp and then moistening the folded-over top of the hinge and pressing the stamp onto the page over its picture.
She picks up a still unopened envelope delivered yesterday into her downstairs mailbox. It is from Mexico City and she notes the interesting latest 1944 issue Mexico stamp that the letter writer, knowing Ali is a stamp collector, used. She opens the envelope and takes out a number of - she counts 10 - stamps with a familiar likeness
Grabbing a magnifying glass she focuses the 7x magnification inset on one of the stamps and inspects. "Wow!" she exclaims. "The Great Dictator's 55th birthday issue!" Carefully she reads at bottom of the vertically oval rim that encircles Adolf Hitler's profile, the date April 20, 1944. Also she notes at bottom of the stamp a new national moniker
GROSSDEUTSCHES
REICH
It is the just-changed name of Germany and, Ali as expert collector knows, these stamps are going to generate wealth after the war - which is obviously soon to end in total defeat for the Germany. So she does not paste these stamps; instead slipping them into a cello envelope for careful storing.
The letter is from Gertrude, whom Ali met at the 1939 World's Fair German Pavilion, when Gertrude was Karl's secretary. Gertie, as Ali calls her, is actually Karl's wife and it had been arranged she would defect to Mexico after the Fair closed, and she has sent on these stamps as a particular favor to Ali. Also, Ali guesses, they are part of a cache of very valuable 3rd Reich memorabilia she is receiving to sell after the war to finance Karl and Gertie's new life in Latin America.
The doorbell rings and Eddie comes into the living room.
"Hi kid! What's up?"Ali actually is not interested to see him alone because since the semi rape, she expects that he is expecting to continue having sex.
"He does not even say 'Hi', just walks in and tries to pull her from the chair for a kiss. Ali stands up and Eddie thinks she will give him his kiss. Instead she slaps him very hard with her strong right hand. But, recalling the semi rape, he thinks to overpower her. He grabs her in a forced embrace and pushes his lips on hers. Ali opens her mouth as if to French kiss him and though he has never been French kissed, he immediately sticks his tongue into her mouth only to feel her teeth crunch down.
"Ow!" He screeches and staggers from her and falls back onto the sofa, holding right hand over mouth.
"I'm sorry kid," says Ali truly surprised at her own violence. "You gotta learn a girl don't like the strong-arm approach. Look, I know we loved each other for those moments. That is what love is about - Man and Woman back to the primeval ooze. But now I got my senses back and I don't want it. We are not right for each other." She stops, and looks in horror at the blood from Eddie's mouth. "Oh, c'mon!" She hurries him to the bathroom and makes up a strong salt solution. "Rinse your mouth with this. Now stick out your tongue."
With relief she sees her bite is only a small laceration. Still it is bleeding red, meaning a small artery. Grabbing a hand towel she tells Eddie, "Bite on it and keep your tongue tight against it. C'mon we are going to Emergency. You may need a stitch."
As they hurry downstairs and out onto East 209th Street, she tells him. "And your story is you were biting into a polke chicken bone and it slipped and you accidentally bit yourself."
About 15 minutes later, the Emergency intern puts in two stitches under local anesthesia and Eddie's bleeding is stopped.
Eddie has learned a lesson for a good life: Respect another person's physical presence. Never invade it. For the end of Slim Novel 12, click 12.62 Winnipeg
"Hi kid! What's up?"Ali actually is not interested to see him alone because since the semi rape, she expects that he is expecting to continue having sex.
"He does not even say 'Hi', just walks in and tries to pull her from the chair for a kiss. Ali stands up and Eddie thinks she will give him his kiss. Instead she slaps him very hard with her strong right hand. But, recalling the semi rape, he thinks to overpower her. He grabs her in a forced embrace and pushes his lips on hers. Ali opens her mouth as if to French kiss him and though he has never been French kissed, he immediately sticks his tongue into her mouth only to feel her teeth crunch down.
"Ow!" He screeches and staggers from her and falls back onto the sofa, holding right hand over mouth.
"I'm sorry kid," says Ali truly surprised at her own violence. "You gotta learn a girl don't like the strong-arm approach. Look, I know we loved each other for those moments. That is what love is about - Man and Woman back to the primeval ooze. But now I got my senses back and I don't want it. We are not right for each other." She stops, and looks in horror at the blood from Eddie's mouth. "Oh, c'mon!" She hurries him to the bathroom and makes up a strong salt solution. "Rinse your mouth with this. Now stick out your tongue."
With relief she sees her bite is only a small laceration. Still it is bleeding red, meaning a small artery. Grabbing a hand towel she tells Eddie, "Bite on it and keep your tongue tight against it. C'mon we are going to Emergency. You may need a stitch."
As they hurry downstairs and out onto East 209th Street, she tells him. "And your story is you were biting into a polke chicken bone and it slipped and you accidentally bit yourself."
About 15 minutes later, the Emergency intern puts in two stitches under local anesthesia and Eddie's bleeding is stopped.
Eddie has learned a lesson for a good life: Respect another person's physical presence. Never invade it. For the end of Slim Novel 12, click 12.62 Winnipeg
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